Wow! It’s been awhile since my last post and I’ve been so busy and overwhelmed with life and fully intended to post this sooner, but got preoccupied with a million other things. Oops!:) Anyways, this is something that has been on my mind quite frequently and with Valentine’s Day come and gone I thought, “Well isn’t this just a perfect opportunity?” Soooo I’m taking it.
Relationships can be wonderful. They’re something most high-schoolers will be in while they’re trying to navigate who they are, especially as a young Christian. Someone to share in the struggles, grow with, and spend time with can be so uplifting and amazing. To have that special person who makes you feel like you’re a million bucks, heck sometimes even a billion is something many strive for. However, among all the affirmation, affection, and attention, it’s all too easy to become consumed with your significant other. It’s so common to see posts or people saying “my everything,” “forever and always,” or “my one and only.” A big reason why I feel this is such a prevalent issue especially in Christian dating (specifically high school) relationships is that we have this idea that dating is for a higher purpose, which it is, but instead of dating to see how things work out and giving it to Jesus by scoping out traits you want in a future spouse, the relationship itself is treated as a marriage which can be incredibly dangerous. We have a jealous God who fully wants our hearts and minds on Him before He can give us that forever love. With that being said these are the reasons why I feel dating is called dating and not marriage.
1. There’s a reason why scripture doesn’t talk much about dating: it didn’t really happen.
In biblical times, the marriages were arranged. No, I’m not saying that we should have arranged marriages, but my point is that by human design we were not created to grow so close to someone romantically without those covenantal vows soon after. Mark 10:8 says, “The two shall become one flesh,” referring to a union between man and wife. So when dating and a break up happens, the bond that has formed between two people is now broken apart causing it to hurt that much more. Nowadays we spend years dating starting in high school and things become hard when the possibility of marriage isn’t near that can create a strain that breaks apart the relationship or prolongs the temptations that occur before vows.
2. Sacrificing friendships for the sake of a relationship in high school isn’t worth it.
Quality time is a crucial part of any relationship, and that includes the preexisting friendships that were there long before that bf/gf came into the picture. Yes it’s fun to spend so much time with them, but it is so not worth becoming consumed and shutting people, activities, and other aspects of life out. Just because a relationship goes into effect does not mean it goes above anything else. That in itself becomes idolatry since the only One meant to go above anything else in your life is The Lord. When we’re married is when that one person is meant to be with us in all that we do, even then it’s ok to be individuals and independent with our friends and the things we enjoy. There’s no guarantees that a relationship through high school will be lasting and forever, but building friendships and memories are what we will want to be telling our kids about. Not how we didn’t have a life in high school because we wasted it all on something that may not have lasted.
3. Purity, purity, purity.
Obviously as Christians we are full aware of how sex is for marriage and that staying pure is what The Lord intended. On both ends for the guy and the girl, dating creates so many temptations that just grow stronger as the relationship goes on, even longer so by dating in high school. By living intentionally with likeminded boundaries and the understanding that the relationship does not have the same standard as a marriage keeping things casual and fun (within reason people), it takes the pressure off of growing intimate and regretting things later.
4. Don’t miss long run opportunities that The Lord may have for you to fit it around your boyfriend or girlfriend.
This goes along with a generalized idea of not planning the future. James 4:13-17 says, “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” Every time I read this verse I get hit like a ton of bricks because it applies to everything I hold near and dear to me. We aren’t even promised another day left on this planet so what makes us think we’re promised a lifetime with our high school sweetie? By realizing this it puts things in perspective that we’re supposed to live in the moment with our eyes fixed on God, and living each day in grateful humbleness that we get to do life with that special someone. They’re not guaranteed until the day you say “I do.”
5. Security in marriage is not the same as security in dating.
Security in marriage means that you made vows on your wedding day to work through it all, thick and thin. Frequently, (and I’ve found myself doing this in the relationships I’ve been in), a common misconception in a dating relationship is that if things just aren’t working out that things need to be fixed. If it’s not working out that is OKAY. Working to fix things to a point where you just need something different than what they can give you just means it’s not working out. It doesn’t make them a bad person, your person is just elsewhere. If there is a conflict then I’m not saying don’t try to solve them, relationships grow from two people trying to make it work. Just don’t compromise who you are as a person for anyone else! Security in dating simply means that you’re aware of the mutual feelings and are content in that. If anything changes, it’s time to move on. Time and Jesus heal everything (but mostly Jesus) 🙂
As a senior in high school I am fully aware of our constant need for Jesus, especially in this season of life in high school. If you’re reading this and aren’t in high school anymore my prayer is that you just encourage those that you know as they navigate this time. Relationships are a prominent want in these years preconceived to be a need. We’re young and trying to figure ourselves out in more ways than one, myself included. Again, my intention for this post was not to belittle high school relationships, but instead to build them up in a healthy way by pointing out that they should be beautiful and wonderful because of so many fun filled memories that are being created as a blessing from The Lord instead of placing a pressure to create something that consumes/bears the weight of marriage that we won’t be ready for until The Lord brings us there. Enjoy high school friends, and make a firm foundation of your love for Christ and yourself before adding anyone else. Always remember that a relationship is an addition, not a completion. You are infinitely loved and don’t need a significant other to heal you, complete you, or make you happy. Live intentionally and guard your hearts. Your self-worth can only be defined by The Most High and my prayer is that you or that those in high school that you may know may know that.
PS- Being single ROCKS by the way if you find this post unrelatable because you’re single. Preparing myself to be a wife someday and waiting patiently for God to put that man in my life is so rewarding and if anything one of the most amazingly free feelings I could ever experience. Loving God with my whole heart and allowing him to mold me overfills my very being. Relationships are not bad, singleness is not bad. Just put Daddy first peeps!