I’m going to be completely honest. Lately, I feel as though I’ve wandered away from The Lord. I’ve been in this pit of desiring to want that closeness, but feeling too weak to even begin to try and pursue it. Between the winding down of senior year, broken friendships, family dysfunctions, and my grandma being placed in assisted living where her memory has deteriorated so significantly that on some occasions she doesn’t even know who I am, has seriously taken a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. On top of that I’ve been working and doing other odd jobs like crazy to earn money so I’m constantly exhausted creating this depression where every thought has become bitter, negative, weary, and anxious. Sometimes in my head I’ve found myself saying, “I’ll get around to getting close to you eventually God, but I need to figure out how to figure this out on my own,” but day after day the eventually grows farther away. It seems like day after day I’ve lost sight of the fact that He’s never left my side and that I don’t need to figure things out on my own. I say all this not to gain pity or sympathy, but to point it all back to God and to testify to the fact that I am his sheep and He has found me and brought me back where I belong. Time and time again lately, Jesus has revealed Himself to me and I felt that I just needed to write all of what He is to me because I am absolutely filled with the utmost gratitude of everything He’s been doing in my life to pull me up and out of the turmoil and into his loving embrace that enfolds every single part of who I am. Sometimes in our greatest trials and struggles when we wander away all it takes is a small reminder of who exactly we belong to.
John 14:1-4 says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would’ve told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” What is profound to me in this verse is how Jesus says “in my Father’s house there are many rooms; if it were not so, I would’ve told you.” Essentially, to me anyway, He is assuring the fact that there is a spot for each and every one of us in His house and because of what He did it’s possible. God is not a father who has a few kids that he gives a room and then cares for them because he has to and grows weary from time to time because being a parent is hard, but out of pure love and sacrifice He’s making it so every single one of his children may have the very best. God is the One who gives us the gift of being royalty. He is the One who though we stray will reassure us time and time and time again that He is everlasting. Never can we annoy, be too needy, too problemed, too messed up, nor wander too far from His love. God is the One that in the midst of my darkened mindset of depression about the world around me, He whispered in my ear until all I could hear is that He loves me. God is the One who has taken on every burden and turned it into something light and fruitful. He’s the one that’s softened hearts and mended friendships, He’s the One who gives me hope. Jesus Christ is the one who has provided me with strength to see every day as more than just surviving, but instead living to unabashedly love Him with everything I am. God has taken every aspect and turned it into a grand perspective. Not only has he placed peace in my heart, but because of who God is, my grandmother has peace in her heart and increasingly becoming more accustomed to her new home. Because of who God is, He has used me to speak into the lives of those around me that so desperately need to hear His Word just as I do. His abundant provision of all these new opportunities to make money for my mission gives me the strength and the motivation to make it through my shifts at work and to be happy again doing the things I love. Often times instead of being consumed with bitterness and just trying to make it until when I can sleep again I’m filled with thoughts of how I can tell and who I can tell in this world about. It’s been on my heart that through this testimony and all that He has done for me, He is doing for you too brothers and sisters. He doesn’t just have a room for me in heaven because I call myself a Christian and try to be a good person. When I hear a nonbeliever say that they won’t become a Christian because of their poor experience with the church it breaks my heart, but I’m also reminded of the fact that they encountered the Christian, not the Christ and basing the faith off of a fellow broken one is sure to cause disappointment, but when you encounter Jesus and all that He is it’s absolutely impossible to be unchanged. He has given me, and you, and all those who believe a room because of His greatness. He is a God of redemption, rest, comfort, love, mercy, justice, forgiveness, relentless pursuit, overabundant joy and peace. He took everything so that we may be free to love Him, love others, and spread this great joy and hope. God is everything to me though I stumble. He’s everything even when my actions say otherwise because the root of the matter is that Satan’s attempts to hold me down have nothing on the power of Jesus Christ.
Wherever you’re at with your walk with God, I wholeheartedly feel that if you’re reading this that God is speaking directly to you. Some of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs “For My King” by Newport says, “What is this life, so sweet and pure that you would die to call me Yours, and at the cross You bore my sin. You conquered death so I could live.” I truly believe the He needed me to convey this simple reminder of who He is so that we all may be reminded of His goodness because the smallest gestures of His presence have a profound impact on the way we live our lives. It points us in the direction of Who we need live our lives for instead of searching for what we want to live our lives for.